Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Hello Lucy, may I shag you?

Our next-door-neighbour-dog Maxi (right) has a new sister. Girlfriend. Sister-girlfriend. It’s confusing.

For the first 10 days or so, while 8-month-old golden retriever Lucy (left) was getting used to her new environment (standing on the coffee table, gnawing the floor, that kind of thing), Maxi watched her with a somewhat bemused expression. You could almost see him thinking, ‘Vegetable, animal or mineral?’

Then she came on heat and that was one question well and truly answered.

So pervasive and public was the pooch pornography that at one stage Sara, who is generally completely fine as long as she’s with me (whether that be rappelling down the inside of a volcano - something I don’t, admittedly, do very often – or lolling about watching movies), performed satyagraha one evening when we were visiting next door: she sat down at the back door, on full alert and nose pointed unswervingly homeward, and refused to budge until I’d given in and removed her from the salacious environment.

Balu (no longer the Monster Baby, but certainly keen to teach Lucy a few tricks) was unfazed by the unrelenting shagging but a bit annoyed that it excluded her. And Lucy didn’t help by showing off – swaying past Maxi and driving him into lathers of lust, and then allowing herself to be rogered ragged while Balu looked on and barked frenziedly.

Fortunately I wasn’t there to witness the kinky stuff but Max and Lucy’s mom, T, took this photo to prove that straightforward sex is a gateway drug, and often leads to more extreme sexual behaviour, including fetishism, S&M, domination and being bridled and ridden like a horse.

The heat is off now (so to speak) and Maxi’s behaviour has returned to normal, but it’s going to take me a while to see him again as just our innocent, lollopy dog-child. As for Lucy, I doubt I shall ever be able to look her square in the eye again.

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