Thursday, 28 January 2010

How do you know an elephant’s been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter.

It’s been a year since Balu, the Monster Baby, arrived in our home, and it’s safe to say that nothing’s been the same since. Well, very little remains intact, anyway.

I freely take the blame for the Monster Baby’s dogged (if you will excuse me) unwillingness to obey orders – I can’t bring myself to smack her, and even shouting at her causes me such psychic damage that I often have to have a bottle of red wine to repair it.

As a result, the Monster Baby took a long (and messy) six months to be housetrained; and she’s never grown out of her compulsion to chew to bits anything she can get her teeth on – including but certainly not limited to an entire sofa.

Much of the havoc is wreaked when I have the nerve to leave the house for any length of time. My friends Johann and T (Maxi’s Mom) told me that I had to have a word with her before I left, explain where I was going and how long I was going to be, and ask her politely please to try to exercise the tiniest modicum of self-control in my absence.

Alas, it does not work.

Yesterday I was away for about four hours as I had to go to another town. For reasons unknown, the Monster (and I am now dropping ‘Baby’ because really she isn’t one any more) went even more bos than usual, and when I got back I found the following: three outside chair cushions dragged to the bottom of the garden; one watering can chewed to a pulp; one potplant emptied, the plant itself eaten, and the soil all over the back stairs; all the sofa coverings dragged off and through the dust; one outside chair cushion ripped to bits, its intestines scattered across the verandah; and one Monster, beside herself with joy and thickly coated with mud.

Something I only noticed this morning, however, because the verandah gets early-morning sunlight, was this: Monster-sized muddy paw prints ALL OVER THE OUTSIDE TABLE. She is, clearly, a girl after my own heart, and enjoys dancing on counters.

Stumble Upon Toolbar


ali g said...

recalling previous blogs about 'Monster Baby' and her voracious appetite surely she must by now have eaten all the furniture in the house.
Is there anything left at all?

Claudine said...

Awe, she's such a cutie pie! She left your table intact :).

After reading all your posts about Monster Baby, I'm (im)patiently waiting for my Little Monster to start doing much the same. Which I suspect will be any day now, an 8 week old puppy can't do much damage, yet.

Muriel said...

Ali G - You're right, there's not much left. But somehow she keeps finding stuff...
Claudine - Hang on to your hat (and your sofa). And maybe say 'no' occasionally (unlike me!).