Thursday, 8 October 2009

Muriel has a hernia

If you fans of Salmagundi are wondering about the yawning Muriel-shaped hole in this blog, I am sorry to tell you that she has been arrested, deported and flung into a filthy prison on St. Helena, where she will rot in despair for the rest of her days, and good riddance to Her Terribleness.

Okay, that's not strictly true, but I am sure Muriel would prefer gnawing her own wrists in a squalid cell to what she's going through now. Muriel has a herniated spinal disc and has damaged her sciatic nerve: she is now mostly immobile, in excruciating pan, and has to be crowbarred off the ceiling every few hours to be force-fed a new dose of painkillers. Here's more from her email:

"It has been endless rounds of docs and specialists and piles of meds and mainly staying in bed. And also spending about two hours a day standing at my computer – I can’t sit and can only lie on my left side, it is too dire – to try to get the most basic work done so I can keep earning some kind of paltry living.

"Having been offered an operation that will cost 'up to R100 000' (said the spine specialist, casually), I have completely abandoned mainstream medicine and am now under the care of a chiropractor who pummels and yanks me and hangs me upside down twice a week. He thinks he can get me right but has warned that it will take a long time – maybe up to two more months – I am going mad with frustration.

"The pain is unbelievable so I am on constant pain meds that make me a bit stoned (which is actually quite nice) but it doesn’t make for a clean brain.

"Thank God for my amazing friends and my amazing daughter who have kept the household running and have been doing all the running around and transport, etc, including lifting and carrying me to docs all over the bloody province (a genuine downside of living in the middle of nowhere!)."

So, how can we cheer her up? Grapes? Filthy jokes? Normally, I would advise sending a few crates of tequila, but perhaps we shouldn't encourage her to mix her meds. Big kisses, Mur.

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7 comments:

ali g said...

Ouch!
All our best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Grahame & Kate

Maryon said...

The blog silence has been deafening!
It all sounds too awful and I hope things improve.
I have been missing my dose of South African irreverence and humour.
Get up and about soon - pain free even sooner.

Audrey said...

God, Jassus, Muriel. Sorry man. Vasbyt. Eina, eina. Feeling for you here, so much so that I can't find words, actually.

Johann said...

Feeling very sorry for my poor friend. But there are some benefits - the hanging-upside-down machine is fab! You should all come around with all your expired pain meds and try it!

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Meggie said...

OMG. Sending the most boozeful whiffs & thoughts, & healing vibes, & trust your chiropractic friend! I hope there is rapid improvement. Having suffered long term from back pain, I know it gets you, literally, whereyoulive.
Danger sign, ... alcohol becomes a very effective painkiller, to the detriment of other organs? Or even the brain?
I just hope all is well.

Meggie said...

Oh oh, I am sending positive vibes for th chiro. I have had success in the past, & hell, it beats the knife!! Please be well, & heal. All my non religious wishes are with youXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx