'It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful,' said philosopher and occultist Anton LeVey. If stupidity did indeed hurt, well, I can imagine that Stephen Green, national director of Christian Voice, would be screeching in unimaginable pain right now.
Green has complained to the UK Advertising Standards Authority's (ASA) about the mild and rather sweet atheist adverts recently emblazoned on London buses - 'There's probably no god, so now stop worrying and enjoy your life' says the ad - see my earlier post on the topic.
According to a report in the Daily Mail, the slogan, Green says, 'is given as a statement of fact and that means it must be capable of substantiation if it is not to break the rules.
Green adds: 'There is plenty of evidence for God, from people's personal experience, to the complexity, interdependence, beauty and design of the natural world.
'But there is scant evidence on the other side, so I think the advertisers are really going to struggle to show their claim is not an exaggeration or inaccurate, as the ASA code puts it.'
I had to read this comment three times over, rubbing my eyes and nipping my thighs with red-hot pincers - which I borrowed, naturally, from my homie, Satan - to make sense of it.
Green wants the statement 'there is probably no god' to be substantiated. As opposed, I suppose, to his ridiculous statements: 'There is plenty of evidence for God'... 'there is scant evidence on the other side.'
Well, Mr Green, bring on the evidence, dude, and show me just how loving your 'god' is. I'll accept, as a start, just ONE good act of faith from your omiscient godlike being, who adores and cherishes us humans, our children, our animals and our planet:
Any of the following will do, for now:
- a ceasefire and withdrawal of troops in every conflict zone
- instant vaporisation of every gun, landmine and destructive weapon on earth
- a cure for Aids, malaria, TB, measles, bird flu, and all other diseases invented by Him
- food in the tummies of every child on the planet, a life-long supply of money for their parents, and throw in fifty years of rich harvests while You're about it
- a loving angel for each child who is starved, abused or suffering
- the immediate release of every imprisoned animal
- relief for the people of Zimbabwe and the Gaza strip (and please don't overlook all the other regions sinking in despair)
- a complete halt to all floods, storms, tornadoes, earthquakes and tsunamis.. and...
- ...well, I might as well ask - a million dollars for each of us.
Are you up to this challenge, Stephen?
In the meantime, while you organise this with your Father, ponder this:
'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the universe.' - Albert Einstein.