Monday, 12 January 2009

Bloggolutions: my 2009 plans for being a better blogger

Do you ever sift through your archive of blogposts, and feel exasperated or just plain bored by what you wrote six weeks, six months, a year ago? I do this whenever I can't think of anything new or fresh to write, and every time I do it, I get annoyed at myself.

First, the repetitive whining about small, inconsequential things drives me nuts. I'm also irritated by any hint of pomposity.

Nastiness, character assassination, self-righteousness and finger-pointing in a blogger are just unspeakably tedious. Also highly distasteful, in some of my previous posts, is a whiff of self-satisfaction: or, as my sister would say, 'I think you're feeling a little pleased with yourself'.

So: enough of being a Complaining Customer, Fed-Up from Ferndale, and an Outraged Atheist.

I am turning over a new leaf. No, I'm not going to write about bunnies and dreams and sunsets, or be nice to celebutards, or say good things about Julius Malema, Steve Hofmeyr and their ilks. But I have resolved to do the following:

  • Give up pointless belly-aching about small things. Unless these concern the Department of Home Affairs, the Killarney Branch of Pick 'n Pay, school mommies, the Johannesburg Metro Police, the editors of women's magazines, or the VIP Protection Unit: in this regard, I fully resolve to deliver smart poes-klaps to all concerned (and thank you for that most excellent word, Andrew)
  • Keep my posts short
  • Keep a lid on the sarcasm
  • Try to be honest. Not honest in the sense of doing the right thing - I am a gleaming pillar of the community, I can assure you - but honest about my motives and my affiliations; about what I really think.
  • Stop self-censoring because I think I'm going to offend someone, or be sued. Stop being such a bangbroek in this regard, and pluck up the courage to put my own name to my posts. (Ha. As if.)
  • Stop writing hate-speech about two of my dogs (and love letters to my third darling hound Velvet). In fact, stop mentioning my dogs altogether.
  • Leave the Christians and New-Agers alone
  • Not gloat, and never use any of the following words or expressions: 'schadenfreude', 'what goes around comes around', 'just desserts', 'As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap', and so on.
  • Pay more attention to the blogs of the smart people who read this blog and leave thoughtful comments on it.
  • Spend more time reading the blogs of the other Clevers in the SA blogosphere
  • Actually contribute some value to the blogosphere
  • Put every single vegetable peeling, onion skin and tomato-end into a stock pot, instead of being disgracefully wasteful and chucking organic matter in the bin. Ok, that bloggolution belongs on my other blog, Scrumptious, and - see point 4, about honesty, - I've put it here in the hope that you'll nip over and have a read.
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