Saturday, 8 March 2008

RIP my loyal email address: killed by a spam tsunami

This week I say goodbye to a devoted beast of burden: the email address I've had since the dawning days of the Internet. Oh, I adore my dear addy, which has served me so well over the years. (Okay, I admit it has no particular cadence, my email address, being a clumsy portmanteau word combining my surname with my husband's - but I love it nonetheless.)

It's served me dutifully, but now I'm putting it out to pasture, so it can stumble around in the cyber-wilderness and finally expire with a few faint farts and squeaks.

Why (I hear you ask) would I do such a thing? Why would I murder a sequence of letters that has kept me connected over so many years with friends, family and foes? What did my pore ole email address do to deserve such treatment?

Well, spam, spam, spam, of course. Look, I really have done my darnedest to solve the spam problem. I have filtering software. I mark things as junkmail. I never, ever, open junk mail and I certainly don't offer to unsubscribe to it. I haven't put my email address anywhere in cyberspace, ANYWHERE, for at least eight years, ever since I learned that putting your private email address on a website is a bloody stupid move.

But still, my email address is indelibly carved on the mailing lists of spiteful spammers in China, Korea, Mumbai and Buttfuck, Illinois, and a flood of junkmail has turned into a torrent that has become unmanageable.

So, farewell, dear junosomething@telkomsa.net. There it is. (Free to spam it until eternity... har evil har... it will bounce back at you and cause pustules to erupt from your flappy bits.)

(Almost forgot to give you the new one! Here it is: i_urgently_need_penis_advice@telkomsa.net.)

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