Thursday, 21 June 2007

Deeply yetchy things on TV cookery programmes

There are three things I can't bear to be associated with food, and those are: pink fabric Elastoplast, human hair and drops of sweat. Eee-yooo. Are you wondering why three such unsettling images should occur to me, or make me post this nauseated little rant? Because in recent times I've seen all three on TV, specifically on BBC Food (Channel 70 on DSTV).

Let's deal with the sweat first. Nothing wrong with a bit of perspiration, if it's coursing saltily off the vest of a Comrades runner or glowing like dew on the temples of a ballerina. But, please, BBC Food, could you powder the foreheads of our South African chefs - or maybe swab them down with some kitchen paper - before you film them? Why do I have to watch a chef making a dish seasoned with sweat dripping off the tip of his nose, into the food?

Now for the hairs. Celebrity cook Tamasin Day-Lewis has a lovely mane of tangled dark hair, but could Her Witchiness please stop swinging it hither and thither across her shoulders as she whips up another baked custard? I think her recipes are great, but I'm so repelled by the idea of a long black hair embedded in the custard (or tangled in the linguine) that I just can't bear to watch another one of her cookery shows. How about tying it back in a good old pony tail? A bandanna? A shower cap?

Which brings me to the plasters. Please, Tamasin, if you cut your finger during the filming of a show, go to bed with a gin and dismiss the filming crew. Please, please, don't put a furry pink plaster on your finger and carry on as if nothing has happened. The combination of plaster and and food is almost as bad as taking a swim in a Planet Fitness gym pool and seeing Elastoplasts spinning lazily in the warm water.

Shh...udd..errr..

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1 comment:

angel said...

urgh... that is so eeeewwww! i could not agree with you more!