Wednesday, 9 May 2007

Muriel declares war on dogs

My dear friend Muriel is a cat person. Here's Mur's email on the subject of her neighbours' dogs. (Boy, I can relate to this):

'FAHKING DOGS! Although your blog pic of Coco made my heart pump lumpy custard, since I have just been thoroughly woken by 12 dogs – that’s how many there are in my street and I don’t own a single one of them – barking their fucking heads off for 25 minutes at some imagined threat.

I am not feeling kindly caninely disposed right now. I just don’t get it – how come I am the ONLY person who, having been woken by the persistent yapping (and 12 dogs can make a LOT of noise), and having lain in bed biting my duvet in irritation for 10 minutes, finally bursts, wild-eyed and bushy-haired, out of my front door into the street, to have a look for myself what A DOZEN DOGS are objecting to so loudly at 2am?? The dogs’ actual owners are clearly sleeping peacefully through the melee – mine is the only house in the street with a light on, and there I stand, entirely solo, in my PJs, in the middle of the road, shouting, ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!’ – which of course gives rise to another 10 minutes of frenzied barking. Jesus.

Interestingly, a few years ago there was a severely unpleasant rash of dog poisoning in this town and everyone was up in arms. I obviously would never condone such a cowardly act, but I did empathise -- I was living at the time over the road from a nasty family (who saw fit to build a HUGE clinker-brick 70s-Pretoria-style monstrosity of a house right in the middle of one of the most visible and beautiful plots in the town, and that will tell you all you need to know about them) who owned two vicious alsations and who never closed their front gates, with the result that my children were constantly harassed, the neighbourhood population of chickens was decimated (not entirely a bad thing, that) and my garbage was regularly torn open and strewn the length of the street.

I’d finally had enough when J. told me that she and P. were walking practically around the entire outskirts of town to get home from school, just so that they wouldn’t have to walk past the alsation house, and went to complain. The woman said (you will not believe this), "Our dogs are protecting YOUR property too. You should be grateful for them." My head immediately popped and sprayed brains all over her rubber-tree-plant-infested front verandah.'

Isn't Mur a peach?

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JerrySpringer said...

mom? I know your there so if you get this e mail me at

We really need to talk; dad says he's sorry. Please come home!

Trev said...

our next door neighboors dogs bark all night just about. last night again wife & I were discussing it in bed and how inconsiderste our neighboor was so my wife went down stairs to fix it. she came back 15 minutes later the dogs still barking away. I said what took you so long? she said I fixed them, I put the dogs in our backyard...see how they like being kept awake all night.
yes my wife is a blonde...